Have I changed much??

We all change over time; some mellow with age while others just get increasingly angst-ridden. But delving into a personality change is psychotic stuff and I will restrict myself to simple things you thought were important to your belief system once. Admittedly all change is good and if we refuse the gradual changes in our perspective, we let ourselves fall into a rot.

Earlier I judged people harshly who drank alcohol in any form, often extrapolating their fondness for alcohol as perversity of character. Now I understand that, as long as you are not a hardened alcoholic, it is fine to have some in social situations.

Earlier I sincerely believed that you fall in love only once and should be involved in a relationship only if you wish to marry that person. Experiences have taught me that things aren’t that straight forward. Moving on is an important part of your life and sometimes one does not get the things you wish for; even for no fault of yours. That’s life.

Earlier I thought physical affection was only supposed to be expressed after marriage. Premarital sex was taboo as hell. Now I am more accepting about physical affection although for some inexplicable reason, I still maintain a distance. But one-night stands are still a strict no-no.
Earlier I passionately hated smokers; considered a disgusting habit. Now I just hate smoking not the sucker at the other end of the cigarette. I just prefer that they keep their smoke out of my face.

Earlier I considered people with lesser intellectual abilities to be lowly mortals. That only enhanced my arrogant snobbish image. Now, when I have seen enough humble beings with far superior intellect, I have realized that it is not how much you know but rather how you use it. But I still am impressed with people with proven skills and abilities; I just don’t despise the ones who don’t.

Earlier I had a low opinion about homosexuals and considered their sexual orientation as despicable. Now I consider their demands to marry and co-exist amicably as an undisputable right and heartily support equal status for gays and lesbians in all walks of life.

Earlier I believed that your career and earning a livelihood was everything. Rest all falls in place. Now I know that life is not sequential and multi-tasking is not merely a quality that you cite in business interviews. Everything goes hand in hand and often happens almost at the same time.
Earlier I believed that you should have your life planned out down to the last detail. You should have a clear idea of what you want to do in life and everything should fall in place sequentially, leading to your ultimate goal. Now, I know that to make God laugh, just tell him those plans. Things happen albeit for a reason and at time you are put on hold for much longer than you anticipated. You can only give it your best shot and hope for things to fall in place. But I still believe that my destiny is in my hands.

Earlier I believed in the importance of education and thought that you can never stop learning either in school or from personal experiences. More time you spent in academics always helped you in the long run. Now; .wait a sec, I still believe that.

Waiting at the airport!!

Am waiting at the airport
All alone sitting on the chair with my laptop...

Watching people here and there
Waiting for just one hello
But no one cares for that...

Im so tired just waiting for the morning to come,
Waiting for the morning to come...

Time to say Goodbye...

The end of any relationship is difficult, whether you've spent years together or just a few months. Love isn't put to rest overnight and can linger long after you've said goodbye. Some experts say it takes half as long as the relationship lasted to process it and move on. Others say grief holds itself unaccountable and to no specific timetable, that it can go on for months and years. Rather than the duration of your time spent with each other, it is the quality, the intensity, of this time that will dictate the length and breadth of grief. A few shorts weeks with a woman you felt a true connection with might be much harder to get over than a man you liked and were with for years, but never quite meshed with. Both relationships might've been viable at one time, yet both led to the same place anyway - saying goodbye.

And it is in the parting (yes, parting is such sweet sorrow. Or, sometimes, parting is such sweet relief!) where you can begin again. Except of course if you aren't really ready to say goodbye.Breakups can be brutal, on both sides. Usually, because of a shared history and strong emotional connections, the one leaving doesn't want to hurt the one being left, and the one being left doesn't want to be let go. Those early, pure feelings of desire, which brought you two together, become tangled up in ego, in resentment and pride and the need for self-protection. You close up and off. You turn away from what you admired and respected in the other, because it's just too damn painful to see it and know that it wasn't enough, that in the end you just "weren't feeling it."

If you are the one leaving, be kind. Make the end as clean and clear as possible. Or, as a good friend of mine says, "Be sure to use a sharpened machete, not a rusty butter knife." If you cut it off, make sure that it stays off. There's nothing worse than a wishy-washy breakup. If this is what you really want, then be strong in your convictions, because the other will go on hoping against hope that you'll eventually wake up and change your mind, that you'll see what you're missing and come back around. Sometimes, you will, only to leave again. Sometimes, you won't, and regret it.

If you are the one being left, be kind to yourself. Everyone will tell you not to take it personally and you shouldn't. Try to separate your wounded ego from the reality of the situation - that for whatever reason, this other person simply didn't want what you wanted at the exact same time. I hate to reduce good, productive relationships down to timing, but more often than not, timing is all we really have to go on. If he wasn't in the right place in his life, there's nothing you could've done to change that. Patience might win out in the end, but then again, so does resentment. You can only wait around so long for someone to get his act together before you realize that "getting his act together" is just an act and that you deserve far more than this.Do not make someone a priority, if he only makes you an option. And that goes for the grief you will feel as well. Try to contain it. Let it preoccupy you less and less each day. Give it a few minutes and stick to those minutes. Remove old photos, erase voice messages, cards, trinkets, any object that reminds you of him or her.

At least for now. Later, much later, you might look back fondly on what was, but right now, you've got to let go of what isn't. If it's a nice day, go fly a kite, take a walk on the beach, look at some art. Find what makes you happy again, because that's who she fell in love with to begin with. And that's who you are anyway, even if you can't see yourself clearly through the tears. But you will. You will.

Stop expecting too much...

It's kinda funny how sometimes I catch myself feeling let down by people I consider friends...it could be a small gesture that they didn't do or a call they didn't return or a thoughtless action on their part…and often times I find myself thinking, " I give way too much." And my thoughts are no fault of theirs but simply a reflection of me. I've come to realize that the best way to stop expecting too much is to not give too much. This doesn't mean be mediocre or a lousy friend or person...it just means keeping yourself on track with how much you give. Easier said than done when giving is a second nature trait...but I've come to wonder why I've felt let down lately by people who I consider such close friends…so that is the ephiphany I've had…balance.

Romance under the stars...

It all started with a dream,

just a tiny little seed,

planted within the realm of the subconscious where my (our) heart lies;
a desire to have a good life,

To love and be loved,

together with the one who

completes this circle of existence;

Standing hand in hand

under the twilight sky

I can see it from your eyes

and I can’t dismiss this feeling;

Beneath the darkened sky,

your lips against mine, stealing small kisses

passion flying from each cell,

locked in a embrace and trying to catch a breathe,

feeling only the pounding of a restless heart;

Sitting next to you,

your head resting upon my chest, in the still of night

under star blanketed skies, star gazing,

as I gently draw you near.